Winter Spotlight

What made me feel comforted, transfixed, and alive in a season of both considerable change and persistent ennui.

I have this friend who likes to ask people to describe the best and worse parts of their day. We’ll be sitting around a table for a drink and she’ll say in a chipper voice, “so, what are everyone’s highs and lows of the day?” The first time I heard her ask I found it notable. I’d never known someone to sort of prompt structured conversation like that in a casual setting. I like when she does it, though. I like how honest people seem to be when asked so simply. And I notice the bad is basically always more interesting. It’s why love songs are less fun to listen to than breakup songs. Or maybe it’s just me.

You may or may not have noticed that I’ve been struggling to maintain the format of this recommendation list for a while. Writing about the “best” things actually can get boring, and while recommendation lists have their place, I’ve found myself itching to talk honestly about the shit I’ve seen that I never want anyone to watch, or the worst moment of my month that left me crawling back to talk therapy. I just didn’t really know how to structure this format in a way that felt somewhat unique to me, so I didn’t do anything.

I’ve never shied away from talking about the worst or hardest parts of me. Last year was tough in many ways and I’m still not at a peak, but it seems I’m relearning a few times a month that writing soothes my soul in a way that only it can. These lists are special to me because I get to sum up what’s been going on in my life and also guide others towards media or art that may help them feel more relaxed, distracted, or entertained – whatever they need. So instead of doing a best of the month, I’m going to go quarterly for now and write about a focus of the last few months, something that stuck with me and stood out amongst the rest, something that shaped my general feelings about the season. Some categories will be more positive, and some won’t, but this way I’ll get to write not based on what is great and shiny but on what impacted me.

Watch

Let me be frank, as I so often am. A lot of my winter was spent watching Friends on my famously tiny iPad. I rotate between a roster of comfort shows, and Friends is one I hadn’t watched in years so I hit the sweet spot of it feeling sort of fresh but also being extremely cozy. I spent a good two months of winter engrossed in moving prep, so having a lighthearted show on in the background was essential to combat the gnawing feelings of dread as I endlessly refreshed Zillow or while I tried my best to organize all my belongings in cardboard boxes politely labelled. There’s not really much to say about Friends except that I disagree with the opinion that it doesn’t hold up. There are plenty of homophobic and transphobic jokes, but every show in that time period had that. The show was huge for a reason. The actors had fantastic collective chemistry and they were funny and endearing. Even Ross, who has gone down in history as sucking, has a place in my heart because if nothing else, the character is performed with such unique physical comedy. The actors are able to soften the edges of characters that, if played by someone else, may have seemed off-putting. And I’m frankly not interested in policing the political correctness of a show that premiered 30 years ago. We have bigger, more current, fish to fry.

Along with the rest of my gender, I watched the new Wuthering Heights in theaters. I actually really loved it. I know it’s wish fulfillment nonsense, but as Emerald Fennell has said, it’s based on her personal interpretation of the novel and how she experienced reading it as a teenager. I actually think more adaptations should use this. Art is so subjective and its consumption is such an individual experience; I found it fascinating to take in this classic story through one woman’s eyes. As she says, it’s very sexual and primal, and it was fun to watch as I’m slowly making my way through the book because I can envision where she pulled certain images (the movie is 99% images, perhaps more than any other movie I’ve seen in recent memory) but contrast it with my own interpretation of those scenes. I think part of why I enjoy it so much is because I imagined a lot of the visuals to be how Fennell showcases them, so it feels true to my interpretation. It’s a controversial approach to a retelling of a classic story so I do understand why many people have mixed feelings about it, but for me, I loved it and I look forward to when it’s available on streaming and I can watch it at home.

Listen

Rob Rausch on Quinn, which I purchased and cancelled in quick succession. Let me explain. If you are a family member, continue scrolling. I obviously have a sizable crush on Robby Bobby, so I was intrigued by him doing this collaboration. I had to at least try it out. And it worked for me but also it didn’t. Having someone speak directly to you, the listener, made me feel conflicted because I think part of my sexuality is wanting to feel special and adored specifically and individually. So having this audio story be told to me, being addressed in the second person, made me feel almost less desirable because I felt like I was being placated. I felt weirdly embarrassed at the parts I did enjoy and I think that’s why. But I was proud of Rob – he really got his bag with that collaboration (I just know they offered him a ton of money knowing how many new subscribers they would gain from it) and certainly did something that would make most people terrified and uncomfortable.

my horny coworker when I played her the last 3 minutes of “the snake handler”

Read

Someone tell the overbearing girl I met on a Disney cruise a couple years ago that she may have been right about me having ADD after having known me for a few days. Just kidding, but sometimes I wonder. I just have a hard time focusing on books that don’t totally grip me, and who can blame me? It’s for that reason I aim to write a book that is easy to fly through. Harder works have their place, but it is not for my bedside table when I’ve just gotten off a night shift at the restaurant and am choosing this over another episode of Friends.

The English major in me hates admitting how bad I am at reading. I read between 12-20 books a year. Sometimes it takes me days to get through a book, sometimes months. I’ve read plenty of books that I know are objectively good but I still wouldn’t necessarily recommend. I rate easy thrillers 5 stars on Goodreads because they were fun to read. I am not always the academic I pretend to be. That being said, my best read of the winter was not Wuthering Heights- it was Ask for Andrea.

It’s very simple- I picked up this by Noelle W. Ihli book because my mom’s name is Andrea. But I fucking loved it! It’s a little magical realism action; a thriller about three women who are violently murdered by the same man, a handsome and charming Ted Bundy type, and their ghosts find each other and try to use their limited powers as ethereal beings to stop him from murdering more people and help law enforcement discover him. It obviously requires some suspension of disbelief but the writing is good and the story flows effortlessly. I had a really hard time putting it down and it just had me thinking I wished more books I could find scratched this itch.

Purchase

I spent a lot of money this winter on home décor and furniture, in fact all my shopping money went towards that, so I have a couple solid recs. In terms of furniture, I bought a new rug from Wayfair that is the softest rug I’ve ever had. It was only $100 and it’s so pretty and feels really nice under my feet. I basically only like oriental rugs so I had that restriction going into rug shopping, but it’s thick and soft and fits our living room nicely. The only thing I will say is that because of the texture, it doesn’t vacuum as easily as a harder or “shorter haired” (for lack of a better term) one might. I also bought this beautiful dark green entryway table with antique style handles that match the vintage hardware of our new place. It was fairly easy to put together and by far the prettiest entryway table I found for a reasonable price. The last thing I’ll recommend is this rattan hidden litter box furniture. It was wildly easy to put together, being rattan versus wood, and big enough to hold our large litter box. It comes with a tray underneath to catch litter and a litter mat to go outside of it so the area around it stays fairly clean and litter isn’t getting caught excessively in the rattan. Another thing I love about it is that the top is so nice for the cat to lay on while she waits for her meals and the side pulls down easily so you can clean it without sticking your head inside. It hides the smell well, so I have to remind myself (well, Daniel) to clean it because I usually don’t even realize until it’s pretty full.

entryway table from Wayfair

Meal

The best part about moving to a new neighborhood is getting a whole new smattering of restaurants to try. We’ve had burgers, sushi, pizza, French, Mexican, and brunch, but I think my number one spot so far has to go to Oiistar on Milwaukee for ramen. Holy shit guys. This shit was good as fuck. The ambience is kind of Sushi-San coded in a way I struggle to articulate. I guess you could say it’s casual but gives the vibe of taking itself seriously in only the important ways. It’s dark and cozy and the lighting is red and feels unamerican which is always a good thing. We haven’t dined in yet but we did order takeout and it was delicious. The broth is rich and creamy, the noodles are homemade, the pork belly is tender and flavorful, and the soy eggs are flawless (ramen without a soy egg is no ramen of mine). I love that they also serve a variety of bao buns. One bun and one ramen order made me perfectly full with leftovers for lunch the next day, if you’re into that.

Moment

We moved! I was completely socially shuttered by the stress of searching at times fruitlessly for a place, then the imminent preparing and packing and oh god so much packing. Now that we’re settled in, I’m once again able to perceive the world around me and care for other people’s problems. Yay!

The little changes have become standard procedure quickly. Having laundry machines in my unit makes me wonder how I ever lived without it. The floors sink in slightly in the living room so if the animals leave a ball on the ground it will immediately roll under the couch, which reminds me of the plot line in How I Met Your Mother where they realize the floors of their new home are slanted and Lily freaks out that their kids will in turn grow up slanted. The liquor store down the street has an amazing wine selection with nice, knowledgeable employees and the market through the alley has great produce and expensive floral arrangements. Our bathroom has a skylight which adds a lot of natural light in the hallway but it also means people working on the roof deck can theoretically wander over and see us sitting on the toilet.

a very nice bouquet from the market through the alley :)

Getting adjusted in a new home is learning all the pros and cons, the quirks, the creaks of the wood, the way you need to turn the key in an antique lock, which neighbors are cool and which have sticks up their asses. It’s another simple joy of being alive to make a lovely new place home and fall into a rhythm of muscle memory, grabbing the coffee mugs without even looking, igniting the intended burner on the gas stove without thinking. When we feel comfortable in our home, we can revert back to youthful naivety, not constantly concerned about planning our next steps. We can tiptoe from the bed to the bathroom in the total dark because our bodies know where the nightstand juts out, where the wall blocks our path. All the stress and change inherent in moving just fades to history once again.