"Traitors" Has a Bro Problem

Rob Rausch is proof that bromosexuality can bestow the ick upon even the hottest men reality TV has ever seen.

I fucking love Traitors. I think it’s one of the best shows on television. As someone whose love for reality TV ultimately lies within the dating show sphere, this is not a show I would have expected to love. I think it’s bridged a lot of gaps for people who don’t normally enjoy competition shows because of the cast being of such diverse origins. It’s got housewives, game show all-stars, Bachelor nation members, Olympians, celebrity exes and family members, disgraced actors, Love Islanders, and the occasional gay royal. Quite literally something for everyone. It’s quite brilliant in that sense because fans from all these arenas are going to tune in to follow their favorite television or otherwise stars. So that’s how the U.S. spinoff of the show blew up in season two and now has become on par with White Lotus, Severance, The Summer I Turned Pretty. Those shows that drop weekly that literally everyone talks about.

This season, which ends tonight, was much better than the last in my opinion. I know the traitors eventually tend to turn on each other; they’ve done it every time, and they’ll always do it when their backs are against the wall. But in season three, it happened so fast and unnecessarily. I enjoyed the season anyway because not even Danielle’s fake crying and Ivan’s cockroach-like abilities to persevere can ruin this show for me, but I recall being annoyed, and I know my boyfriend was so pissed off he didn’t even want to watch season four together (enter Rob Rausch). I knew we were in for a treat when Alan Cumming tapped Rob on the shoulder at that first round table, and I jumped up and down on the couch and screamed and told my boyfriend this was gonna be rough for him (side note: I think he has a bigger crush on Rob than I do at this point). Rob was beloved and he was destined for this role, frankly. I think everyone who knew his reality TV history guessed he would be amazing, but none of us could have predicted just how adept he’d learn to become.

He was also selected alongside not one but TWO housewives, Beverly Hills’ fish-lipped, buoyant Lisa Rinna and Potomac’s witty triple-threat Candiace Dillard Bassett. This was the first time we’d been granted a majority housewife turret (I’m not counting poor Donna Kelce because she literally wasn’t there) and we had lots to look forward to after Phaedra’s masterclass (fine, she didn’t win, but you can’t tell me she wasn’t incredible to watch) in season two. Plus, season three was a gamer-heavy mess and those bitches may be “strategic” in someone’s sense of the word but they’re socially daft and they certainly don’t make good TV. So housewives plus a Love Island USA hottie were a breath of fresh air to say the least. I was fucking thrilled.

At first it seemed like these three were going to do well together. No one was eager to throw anyone else under the bus. There seemed to be a mutual sense of respect and camaraderie in the game. Now I never expected Rob to rush to protect these people he wasn’t particularly close to; despite being on the same “team”, the whole vibe of being traitors is that you are deceptive by nature, so unlike our dear Candiace I don’t take it personally that Rob wasn’t willing to risk his reputation to protect them when they came under fire. In this game you don’t owe loyalty to anyone but yourself and I truly believe that. However, I knew we were cooked when Eric came onto the scene and suddenly Rob was willing to stick his neck out there. Unfortunately, Rob’s true allegiance will always be to, first and foremost, his bros.

My favorite podcast, Love to See It, has discussed in the past how the setup of Traitors tends to favor men. Most of the challenges are physical and lend preference to a former pro athlete who can run up a hill with a sack of gold spray-painted rocks on one shoulder and perhaps a pretty lady on the other. This season, the banquet’s murder-in-plain-sight basically had to be performed by either a woman or a queer man because the perpetrator needed to be wearing a “poison” brooch that someone needed to touch. And who would reach out to touch a sparkly brooch? Fucking Stephen Colletti? The show needs to incorporate more challenges that aren’t physically straining and built specifically for former football players or Survivor winners. It would also be more interesting to watch because frankly I don’t care to see Michael Rappaport panting his way through the Scottish countryside and, as much as I enjoy seeing Rob Rausch in overalls dragging a wagon up a mossy hill, I have other ways of getting off. Let me instead see how well these people play mind games.

Let’s loop back around to Rob and his housewife problem. At first he was vibing with them in the turret, making evil plans, rubbing his palms together and saying “giiiirl” in a way that made my pants end up mysteriously strewn across the floor. But soon enough Lisa Rinna had sold herself down the river towards banishment, no thanks to Colton Underwood’s notorious powers of “observation” or whatever we’re calling stalking now, and there wasn’t much I felt Rob should have done to save her. That being said, in retrospect I very much believe he would have fought harder if she were, say, an innocuous, relatively impassive softboy.

With Candiace, it seemed he took some pleasure in selling her out, though he was able to mask it with “facts”. Candiace did take it too personally when their alliance fell apart, though I would have done the same which is maybe why I’m getting fed up with Rob. Candiance also made mistakes and I don’t think she would have made it much farther regardless, but it’s the contrast of Rob’s interest in trying to help them versus Eric or his faithful bro alliances (Colton, Ron) that makes me feel icked out. At this point I think he is doing a decent job at hiding how sick he is of these drama queens. The only ultra-feminine woman he really lets close to him is Maura, and her only benefit to him outside of being a fierce ally in the game is her huge crush that allows him to feel adored.

All this being said, I still think Rob is playing an excellent game and deserves the win he will most likely secure tonight as the numbers shift ever in his favor. Eric and Maura have his back unfailingly. Mark will probably be murdered next, leaving Johnny and Tara to go up against the aforementioned Rob squad. During the final banishment, both figure skaters will probably get banished right away, leaving only Maura against the traitors. For the finale to play out differently, something major will have to go down. Ironically it all hinges on our resident Irish bimbo Maura Higgins who, as has been said, will drink Rob’s bathwater.

Rob’s brand of misogyny is quiet. For those of us watching the latest season of Love Is Blind, we know misogyny can and does come in much more abrasive and offensive forms. What woman wouldn’t choose a Rob over a Chris or Alex any day due to personality alone? Rob doesn’t want to betray Maura; I do believe he feels really bad about what he’s about to do to his friend. He didn’t gleefully stab Lisa Rinna in the back. But as the game progressed and his opportunities to split off from this very outspoken and openly emotional, female-centric group presented themselves, he took them without a glance backwards. When pressed by Lisa and Candiance after first writing Lisa’s name down, he spoke about them as if they were his controlling mean mommies. He struggled to hide his disdain for the kind of woman that doesn’t simply defer to him.

Again, none of this would have become as obvious if Rob hadn’t recruited a man who he has since tried much harder to protect than he ever did his fellow female traitors. It felt as if he didn’t believe them as valid or viable for winning. The fact that he switched up his behavior so openly shows me he himself doesn’t even recognize the prejudice underneath. If he knew how bad it looked, I think he would have taken great care to conceal it. A lot was also revealed in his final roundtable showdown with Candiace before which he astutely pointed out that in staying even-keeled, people would be more receptive to his point of view, and by staying so irritatingly calm, he could get her riled up enough that others would lose trust in her. To me, this read as weaponizing stereotypically feminine emotions against her. It’s not that I think Rob hates women. I just prefer a man who adores women, and I think above all else Rob loves his bros, and they are who he will risk his own safety for to get to the end of Traitors season four with a win. That’s just an ick that no snake-tatted biceps under a baggy knit sweater vest could ever overcome.

(Rob, if you’re reading this, I don’t mean it baby, I was just pandering to the feminists, you could still get it)